Slice of Thoughts

The word ‘family’ holds an important value in my life. Personally, i think it is one of the most precious thing in this world. Sounds like I am trying to exaggerate sentimental attachment about this matter, but let’s recall some of our memories, either bad or good, sad or joyful things–I hope they are good and joyful memories though–most of our unforgettable memories come from that word: family.

Based on Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the simple definitions of family is: a group of people who are related to each other; a person’s children; a group of related people including people who lived in the past. Very intriguing because we can see bigger contexts of this word. Another definition for family is a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children(s). In another word, family is the smallest social unit which needed by bigger units such as culture, city, state, nation, region, etc.

I am started to write like a sociology student, writing for their thesis on above paragraph. However it is meant to ensure us that we have a right basic concept of family. There are a lot of major changes within the modern society about roles of men and women. Is family just about gender roles? perhaps not. For me family is a building block, which provide acceptance; a refuge for us to feel secure from failures, and rejections. I can say criminal numbers are increasing significantly all over the world because a lot of families fail to provide that value to its member. From the function perspective, mine is one of them.

Me and my sister is raised by my mom, may be since I was 9 or 10. She is a strong woman and a single parent, who represent both roles; a father and a mother for her children. I will never talk bad about my dad – let’s say he is a free-spirited man who aren’t ready for commitment – he has been forgiven by us since long time ago. Mom refused to divorce with him. So basically we live separated with dad, but administratively they are still  considered husband and wife by law.

Mom have a crucial role for the family. We look up to her till now because she is the main influence and a role model for us. Like i have mentioned before about acceptance; she provided the most important values for her children: fear of the Lord and acceptance. I am not saying the past were easy, financially we were broke. Mom was just a teacher, we didn’t have saving at all, and lived in a big house, which are not our possession. There were difficult inquiries occurred within me and my sister as young kids. I think questions like: “why is this happen to us?”, “what kind of feel that a complete family has?”, and there are a lot of unanswered question invaded our little brain that time. That was time of miseries, we have no new clothes, shoes or ate good foods unless someone bought or paid them for us. I am raised in a Chinese peranakan culture, you can imagine, it is a big family we have here. The worst part about living under the poverty is not about how we live in it, but how we experienced different treatments between relatives. We feel the gap even though we all are humans. We lived poor in the middle of relatives who were living prosperous, because we lost the man of the family; our resource, security and protection; our husband and father. Fatherhood is really important and not only about gender or roles.

Grew up in difficult situation like that, created a stubborn and squeamish version of myself. Inside my soul, I felt like I was feeding a beast – which are not the real me – filled with anxiety, anger, and fragility. Exactly, I was not that cheerful young dude who smile to everybody or partying hard like other adolescent in my age. Woooo! life begin at 21 they said, i guess they were right. It was until my early 20s, that i have determined strongly to provide my family as much as I could. I were all out for my dreams and my family. Many times I strayed away from the path of the Lord through my own decisions. However, He was, is and will always be faithful. He has delivered me through thick and thin until now. I had choices that time: to be notoriously successful by doing dirty works, or to be a real man of the family, which I had never experienced before. Luckily, I chose the second option. It is not an easy way, but in the end, it will be the right way.

We need a loving family as our foundation for our future’s preparation. Not only a blood-related one, but they who accept us truly as we are. People who are sincerely pray, hope, and help us to be the best version of ourselves. These people we called family doesn’t need to be impressed by what we have, and they don’t expect our flattering words. A real family which have right values will builds trust, rejoices on each member’s success, rebukes the negative side, and heals our scars. Cliché but we all have been wounded by our world’s reality and expectations. If you have these people, who have real family values for you, be grateful and give love back to them!

This is a piece of my life’s journey. Not all details are told, but the purpose of telling this story is to share how important values and choices, which we absorb deeply into our consciences and brain realities. Not only for you but also for our – or our future family – family and people around us. Everybody have their own struggles, with their own challenges and obstacles. If you don’t have parents, someday you will be a parent for your children. If you don’t want to be a parent, somebody else around you are figuring and striving to be a good one, what hold us to share good things? Modern human keep dreaming about discover our forever expanding universe, why don’t our little universe called family concern us?

Hope this story of mine help you to find the missing puzzle from your personal life’s journey. Hope you see a different perspective, that sometimes better – or may be best – things come when we are ready to experience bad things, work hard, fix them, and consistently do the right way. 🙂